The Child I'm Not
by allthegold
Summary: A mysterious child appears, and nobody knows who he is. Except Allen, of course, who's trying to hide the fact that the stubborn, bratty, extremely messed-up kid is himself, from nine years ago. features hurt!child!Allen, and family/friendship fluff. gen.
1. Chapter 1

**Blanket disclaimer: for this entire story, I don't own D. Gray-man. (and probably for my entire life, unfortunately)**

**The Child I'm Not; Chapter 1**

* * *

"Incoming akuma!"

Allen responded to Lavi's call instantly, activating his Crown Clown, and turning to meet the horde. They were all level twos and ones, and were easily cut down.

Allen, Lavi, Lenalee, Kanda, and Miranda were all on a mission in the countryside of Britain, defeating akuma as they moved in on the city. London had a mass of high-level akuma that grew everyday, and within a few days, the exorcists would arrive there. It was nearly midnight, and the akuma had finally shown.

Howard Link hung back behind Allen. He was usually unwilling to fight, as it "wasn't his duty." Allen always rolled his eyes at this.

The white-haired exorcist finished off the last of the akuma, turning to see how his friends had fared. They were all in the middle of a large field, with one inn several yards away (where they had been lodging for a few hours). Lavi waved to him, a signal that he and Kanda were fine.

Lenalee's cry drew his eyes to her. She knelt next to a fallen Miranda, who looked pale. Allen raced over. "She got hit by an akuma bullet, straight in the chest," Lenalee cried. "Allen, I don't know what to do. Krory can't suck it out this time, he's not here and-" Miranda gave a gasp, as little stars appeared on her neck. The poison inside of her was spreading.

"Step aside, Lenalee," Allen said, kneeling next to Miranda. The woman's Time Record wasn't activated. She was seizing up. He had an idea of how to save her, but wasn't sure if it would work. _She's dying anyway, better try._

Allen tore her shirt open, to see where the bullets had hit her (there was no thought of modesty, Miranda was dying). He bit his palm hard, blood instantly welling. Clenching his fist over the entry wound of the akuma bullets, Allen let the blood drip into it.

"What are you doing?!" Lenalee gasped.

"Akuma bullets don't harm me, my blood has Innocence running through it. Maybe it'll transfer to Miranda, to heal her." The stars were moving quicker, appearing on Miranda's arms, and Allen used his Innocence claw to make the wound on his palm bigger. More blood ran out. Slowly, to Allen's relief, the stars were disappearing.

Miranda opened her eyes, gasping. The hand with her Time Record slowly moved across her body, until Allen's blood accidentally dripped on it.

Instantly, there was a giant explosion. Allen was flung backwards, landing on his bloody hand, making it sting. Lenalee had been thrown the other way, away from Miranda.

"What just happened, moyashi?!" Kanda demanded, yanking him up. Allen winced.

"It's Allen, BaKanda! We were saving Miranda, she got hit with an akuma bullet. It was working, I thought. Something happened with her Time Record-" Allen's words died in his throat. He felt disbelief, taking in what appeared as the smoke cleared. In the middle of the field, Miranda lay, slowly waking up.

Next to her was a red-headed boy, passed out. He wore rough, ragged clothes with gigantic patches all over them. "Who the heck is that?" Kanda said, following Lavi over to Miranda. Allen stood, frozen, in his place. He couldn't go any closer.

(He didn't want to.)

"It's a child," Link said. The man arrived at the kid first, lifting him up. "He's quite banged up."

"He just appeared," Miranda explained. "I don't know how or where he came from, there was a flash, and he just appeared." She began crying. "It's cause I'm so useless."

Lenalee put a hand on Miranda's shoulder. "No, it's not your fault, Miranda. I'm sure there's a good explanation for this. The important thing is, you've recovered from the akuma bullets. Allen saved you!"

Allen still stayed where he was, watching Link push back the boy's bangs from his head.

(_Is he going to recognize him? Is he going to realize?_)

"He's waking up," was all Link said. Allen breathed out, his shoulders dropping. The boy wasn't recognized.

The kid opened his eyes, a light grayish-blue, focusing. He yelped, and punched Link in the face, making the older man drop him. The kid tripped, landing on his butt, looking up at every one with fear. "Wh- who are you? Wh- where a-am I?!" he cried.

"It's alright, we're the good guys," Lavi said cheerily. "We aren't gonna hurt you. What's your name? Are you a ghost or an akuma?"

The boy had his red hair tied back in a little ponytail, with a long-sleeved, tattered shirt that looked a little chilly for the fall weather. He had scrapes and bruises everywhere, and looked up at Allen's friends with a dark, fearful gaze. "Why'da you gotta know? I don't even know what an akuma is."

There was silence. Lavi turned to Allen, waving him over. "Anybody know this kid? Allen, do you know this kid?"

Allen forced the lump in his throat down, forced his feet to slowly walk. He stopped a foot away from the kid, meeting the

blue eyes

_(that were like his) _

the hurt frown

_(that had been his) _

The arm hidden inside what had been an abandoned oven mitt

_(that had been his.)_

"No, I don't know him. Never seen him before."

_He's me._

* * *

Kanda finally grabbed the kid and thrown him over his shoulder, when the boy had refused to come with them. The inn was nearby, a short walk for them all, but a painful one. Everyone had small wounds.

"Put me down!" the kid cried, banging his fists against Kanda's back. Kanda ignored him.

"Tell us your name, brat, and maybe I will."

"It's Red, okay? People call me Red! Now, put me down!"

"No."

Allen quickly looked away when Red met his gaze. Those eyes brought back too many painful memories. Red hadn't met Mana yet, he was probably six or seven. He hadn't changed his name to Allen, either.

"Do you know where you came from?" Lenalee asked kindly. Red spat at her, kicking at Kanda's front. Lavi growled, reaching for the kid, but Lenalee stopped him. "It's fine, Lavi, Red's just scared. He doesn't mean it."

"You don't know what I mean," Red yelled angrily. "You're all just a bunch of #^&amp; losers!"

"A little kid shouldn't know those words," Lavi said, sweating.

"I'm not little. I'm gonna grow big and tall someday, and then I'm gonna beat you all up," Red said, giving Lavi a death glare.

Allen felt a pang in his heart. He remembered when he had promised himself that, growing big and tall someday. He had made the vow to himself when it was the only thing he could do, because himself as a child was the most powerlessness state he had ever been in.

Allen had changed so much from himself at the age of seven.

(he didn't know if they were good changes)

* * *

Kanda dumped Red into the nearest chair once they reached in the inn. It was just a small, rural house, with only the innkeeper and his wife there. "Talk, brat. Where're you from?" Kanda demanded, sitting in the chair across from him. Red bit his lip, obviously trying not to cry.

"I'm from the circus, 'kay? Not really from anywhere," Red slowly answered. Lenalee sat down as well.

"You have a British accent, are you from England? Around here?" Lenalee asked in a soft voice, ever the kind woman.

_My accent's faded now, thank goodness. It used to be quite a strong English accent_, Allen thought. He didn't want his friends figuring out who the child was, and he wasn't exactly sure why.

_(I don't want them finding out what I've been through. They'll treat me differently.)_

"I don't know, stop asking!" Red cried. He banged his arms on the table. Lavi noticed the oven mitt on Red's left hand.

"What's that? Why do you have a giant glove on your hand?" The bookman gestured towards it. Red shrunk away, pulling his left hand protectively near his body.

"D-don't t-touch me." Allen noticed that there was blood on the sleeve of it, drowning him in memories of bruises and pain.

"Come here. You need to be bandaged," Allen said, grabbing Red's shoulder, pulling him to a nearby room.

"Wait, Allen! We should come with-" Allen met Lavi's gaze, shaking his head. Lavi got the message, and went silent.

* * *

Shutting the door behind Red and him, Allen gently set Red onto the bed. "Your arm's hurt. I'm going to bandage it, okay?" Allen looked into the child's eyes, his own eyes, watching for any sign of pain, as he slipped off the glove.

"N-no!" Red said, trying to pull it up again. "D-don't. I-I can do it on my own." His dirty face was scared, eyes darting around, looking for a means of escape.

Allen grabbed a roll of bandages from a drawer. "Red, I have to bandage it so it doesn't get infected, and heals. Please take off the glove."

Slowly, carefully, Red slipped it off. Allen bit his lip, remembering what it was like to carry that ugly arm. After crown-clown had activated, his arm had changed to black-and-white skin, no longer scaly and dragon-like. There were two slashes across the forearm, and Allen gently dabbed them with alcohol. Red twisted, yelping.

"That # $%^&amp; hurts!"

"Don't use words like that, okay? You're a kid. You shouldn't. No matter what you've been through."

Red frowned. "I'm allowed to swear as much as I want. Nobody controls me."

"Nobody controls you, sure. But nobody listens to you, either." Allen knelt on the floor, getting a better vantage point, to bandage the cuts. "That's not fun at all."

"What'ya know, anyway? Dumb snowman."

Allen ignored the insult, immediately drawing back. His lapse of emotion was over. He wasn't going to recognize that child as himself, because that meant remembering.

(He didn't want to remember.)

"You need to keep your hand covered up. It's okay if my friends see your arm, but if they see that cross embedded in your hand, they'll get mad." Allen was lying. He knew that if the other exorcists saw the cross embedded in the red skin, they'd figure out the connection. They would know the arm was Innocence.

"Why's that? You all wear tons of crosses," Red said, yanking his glove on.

"Yours is a different kind. Just, don't."

Link opened the door to the room with a bang. "Walker, don't leave me behind! I have to escort you everywhere! That means every- oh." He had caught sight of Red's arm, covered blood and bandages. Allen brushed past Link.

"You guys can take care of the rest. I'm going to bed."

* * *

Once in his room, Allen turned off the lights, and sat on the bed. It took a few seconds, but once he felt the water on his cheeks, he realized he was crying. The memory of how Red had gotten those fresh cuts was pushing its way up, and it dragged Allen into it.

_How did I get these cuts?_

"So, how'd you get these cuts?" Lavi asked Red. Lenalee, Link, Kanda, and him had all come into the bedroom. Lavi was the only one on the same bed.

Red kept his eyes fixed on the floor. "Doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," Lenalee said, giving him a kind smile. "It's okay, Red. You can tell us. Nothing is going to hurt you now."

There was a moment of silence, and then Red slowly began. "The ringmaster has a son, and a daughter. The son is big, and tall, and h-" Red stopped. "He wants to be like Claude."

_Claude, a cruel, hulk of a man, who enjoyed throwing his beer mug at Allen's face after he had emptied it, and called for a refill-_

"Who's Claude?" Lenalee asked.

"Claude is the man who throws knives in the acts. The ringmaster's son practices with his knives sometimes, and I'm small-"

_"You're a runt! You're smaller than a bullseye, so if I can hit you, it'll be better than hitting a bullseye!"_

"-so sometimes he throws them and misses and sometimes he hits me cause he doesn't think I can bleed;"

_"That creepy arm of his probably doesn't even bleed, it's so gross. What a weirdo. Let's see if he does bleed!"_

"-but I do bleed and-"

_it hurts_

* * *

There was silence in the bedroom. Lavi couldn't stop staring at the little kid, noticing for the first time how bruised he really was. There were faded scars on his neck and visible hand, and more hidden underneath the oversized coat. His eyes were bruised, too. They watched Lavi with hurtful wariness, almost near tears, but with a stubborn attitude, no tears fell. The eyes seemed so _familiar_.

Lavi had seen a lot of messed up children, and at that moment, Red was near the top of the list.

"We won't touch your arm," Lavi said, leaving it at that. "Nobody plays with knives here but Kanda and Allen, and those are used to fight demons. Not a child."

"What's the difference?" Red murmured, low enough so that only Kanda and Lavi could hear. "People tell me I'm both."

Lavi saw Kanda's frown deepen, as the Japanese man studied the kid. Even though Kanda would never say it, he was disturbed by Red just as much as the rest of them.

"Let's get you to bed. You can share a room with Kanda and I," Lavi said.

"It's nearly midnight, so little boys should be in bed. We can figure out where you came from tomorrow," Lenalee said. "I'm going to go to bed, with Miranda. See you all in the morning. Sleep well, Red." She stepped over to him, wrapping him a tight hug. The kid stiffened, turning pale. Lenalee let him go, beaming, and left the room.

Red appeared disgusted, and shivered. "Hey, when a girl hugs you, you're supposed to like it," Lavi said.

"I don't like women," Red said. "They're evil."

"Lenalee's about as nice as you can get, kid. Get to sleep now. You can have that bed. Kanda can have the floor, I get the other bed."

"As if, idiot," Kanda growled. "You get floor."

"Fine," Lavi sighed. He pulled out his bandana, running a hand through his hair. His brain needed rest from all the calculations and notes it did everyday.

Within a few minutes, the lights were off, and Lavi lay on a makeshift bed on the floor. He couldn't tell if Kanda was asleep, but Red certainly wasn't. The kid had awkwardly laid down, but didn't lay the covers over him like a normal person. He had pulled the blankets untucked, then wrapped them around himself like a cocoon. He lay on his side, watching the entire room carefully.

_He's a kid, kid do weird things_, Lavi thought. Where had Red come from? It had something to do with Miranda's Innocence. Something to do with Time Record. What exactly had happened with saving Miranda? Allen had definitely done something.

A sound broke Lavi from his thoughts, and he listened intently. Red was quietly getting off his bed. _Is he trying to escape? I doubt he'll get far. _Just as Lavi was reaching for the lamp, Red stopped walking, and plopped down on the floor a foot away from Lavi. He had dragged the blanket with him, and laid down with it. On the floor.

Lavi stayed silent, listening to Red's breathing as it slowed. The child had fallen asleep.

"What's he doing?" Kanda mumbled from his bed. "Is he asleep?"

"Yeah, the kid's fast asleep. I wonder why he did that. Does he not like beds?" Lavi watched Red's face. When he wasn't frowning or yelling, the kid looked even more familiar. Where had he seen that face before?

"Maybe he's not used to them," Kanda said. "When I carried him-" Kanda stopped.

"What?"

"Not that I care about a brat, but... He weighed almost nothing. A kid his age should have some fat on him. Whatever. I'm going to sleep. Wake me up if he tries to escape." There was the sound of tossing blankets.

Kanda's words made Lavi wonder. _Where does Red come from? Why is he so beat up? Perhaps he isn't used to beds, as Kanda said. How could someone not like a bed, though?_

At least Red's face appeared clear of scars, but most likely, the rest of his body wasn't. Hopefully his face would stay unscarred.

* * *

Link found Allen already in his bed, with the lights in the room turned off. As he changed into his nightclothes, he questioned the exorcist. "Have you ever met that child before?"

Allen shifted in his bed, his face still hidden. "No. Why would I have?"

"Just wondering. He came here due to Innocence, and you've got some experience with the matter."

"I don't know him."

Link got into bed, finding his way around in the dark. "You aren't getting sick, are you? You sound stuffy."

"I'm fine." Allen wasn't being his normal, cheerful self, Link noted._ I'll have to question him more in the morning._

* * *

"What do we do with a freakin' kid?" Kanda yelled at Lavi from across the breakfast table. Lenalee winced, giving a sorry smile to the inn keeper's wife, who was also in the room.

"We gotta take him with us," Lavi said happily. Lenalee sighed. The Bookman was always willing to have something new to dissect. The poor red-haired kid was just a new paragraph in Lavi's book.

"They're quite loud this morning, aren't they, Allen?" she said to the white-haired exorcist next to her. Allen raised his head from the table. He had dark circles underneath his eyes, and appeared nearly incoherent.

"Oh? Yeah..." he scanned the room. "What are they talking about?"

"Uh, Allen, you've been here the entire time. Haven't you heard them?"

"Not really," he said, blinking slowly.

"They're deciding on whether to go on a mission with the kid, or toss him in a nearby orphanage temporarily." As soon as Lenalee had finished talking, Allen had stood up, knocking his chair over. He slammed his hands on the table.

"The child is going with me," he commanded.

It was a side of Allen that the other exorcists rarely saw. There was pause, as they took in Allen's _there-will-be-no-freakin-protests-against-my-words_ face (Lavi's name for it.) Then activity ensued.

Kanda groaned, and Lavi cheered. "That means he's coming with us to kill akuma! Thanks, buddy!" Lavi said, reaching for a high five. Allen didn't accept. Lenalee noticed that kind, little Allen looked quite dangerous for eight in the morning. His demeanor was dark.

"No, I meant, I'm going to go buy him some clothes in London. We'll use the ark to get there and back quickly. It won't impede our mission," he added, when Link shot a glance in his direction. Allen bent down, fixing his chair, and sitting back down.

"He's still asleep," Lavi said, "On the floor in our room. He joined me, instead of sleeping on the bed."

_It took me a few months to get used to the comfortability of a bed_, Allen recalled. _I don't think we're used to beds in Red's time._

"He must have been lonely," Lenalee cried. "He seems so young." She was saddened for Red. Allen tried not to groan. When Allen had been Red, he hadn't needed or wanted friends.

"He's not lonely."

"Why do you say that, Allen?" Link asked. Allen looked down at the table, stuffing a pice of waffle into his mouth.

"No reason. Just, we'r-Red's not lonely. I'm done eating, so I'll go wake him up." Allen left the room. He didn't realize that his words had been a lie.

* * *

Lenalee finished her own breakfast, bringing the dishes to the inn keeper's wife. "Thanks for putting up with us. Sorry about all the confusion."

"Oh, dear, it's fine. You all seem quite lively, and it reminds my husband and I of when we were children," the short lady said, smiling. "Where did that child come from? I hope he's not one of yours."

"Oh, no!" Lenalee said quickly. "We're trying to figure out where he's from."

"I'll let you know if I hear anything about missing children around the village," the woman replied. "There was one circus in here about a week ago, they were heading to London."

"Mind if I borrow your phone?" Lenalee said.

"Go ahead," the lady said. Lenalee pick it up, dialing Komui's number. If she didn't check in with her brother once at day, he would get antsy, or so Reever had told her.

"-yawn- Mmmhhmm?"

"Brother?" It sounded like Komui had a late night in the science division, as was often the case.

"Lenalee!" Komui gushed. "Your angelic voice brings strength to my soul!"

"Brother, don't be weird. I'm just checking in."

"How are things over there?"

"Uhmm, they're alright," Lenalee said. How was she to put the situation. "We sort of picked up a kid."

"...what? Sorry, Lenalee, the signals weak, can you repeat that?"

"We now have a kid."

"WHO'S CHILD IS IT LENALEE YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN MARRIED WHILE I'M NOT THERE-"

Lenalee pulled the phone away from there, awkwardly smiling at the inn keeper's wife, who gave her a weird look. "Komui, be quiet! It's nobody's kid. We were fighting akuma, and something happened with Miranda's Time Record. There was an explosion, and he just appeared. His name is Red."

"With Time Record? Is the child related to Miranda in any way?"

"Nobody knows him."

"What does he look like?"

"Lenalee, we need your help! The kid won't leave the ro- OUCH!" Lavi was yelling from another room.

"Shoot, brother, I've got to go. My golem will transmit its recording of him. Love you!" Lenalee hung up before Komui could say anymore.

* * *

"How is Lenalee and the crew doing?" Reever asked Komui, setting a cup of coffee on his desk. Komui nodded his thanks.

"They're doing quite- interesting. Something happened with Miranda's Time Record, apparently. A kid appeared out of thin air."

"Do they know who he is?" Johnny piped up. "Maybe he's from another time, or something."

"Good point," Bak said, from where he was lounging on a couch. The Asian Branch Leader was shirking his responsibilities, by using the ark to be lazy in Komui's division. "What does he look like? Perhaps he's Miranda's futuristic child, or something."

"That's a possibility," Reever agreed.

Komui's golem lit up, buzzing and flapping its wings. "Lenalee just sent over a transmission of the child. Golem, show it, as big as possible, please," Komui said. The black golem opened its mouth, and a large image shone on the wall.

"Red, come on, Allen's gonna take you shopping!" Lavi was saying, when the video first started. Kanda, Lavi, Link, and Allen were all in a bedroom. A small kid was fighting Kanda from grabbing him, yelling right back at Lavi. He had spiky red hair pulled back in a ponytail, and was wearing the rattiest clothes Komui had ever seen.

"I'M NOT LEAVING THIS !#$%^&amp; ROOM!" the kid yelled, kicking Kanda in the stomach. The Japanese man coughed, swiping at the kid, and missing. "You !#%^&amp; can't make me!"

Allen was leaning up against the wall, apparently done with trying to control the kid.

"Red? What's the matter? Allen is just going to buy you some new clothes in London, but he needs you to come with him," Lenalee said, coming into the picture. Red shoved himself away from her, retreating into the corner of the room.

"D-don't touch me!" he cried, just as Kanda grabbed him, flipping him upside down. The transmission ended.

"Wow. That kid- was interesting, to say the least," Reever said. "He doesn't look like any of the exorcists. His hair is red, like Lavi's, but it's more of an orange than scarlet."

"Lenalee said his name was 'Red'. I hardly think that would be his real name. He could be Kanda's future child, with that personality, but there's not an ounce of Asian blood in him."

Bak had been silent, and spoke up. "He reminds me a lot of Kanda, as a kid. They're both the brattiest children I've ever seen. Did you see the way he was with Lenalee? He leapt away from her the moment she came close. Is he scared of her?"

"W-w-why would anyone be scared of my p-p-precious angelic sister?" Komui cried. Bak rolled his eyes.

"I'm just saying that it's interesting."

"He had an oven mitt on his left arm," Johnny said in his girlish voice, fixing his glasses.

Komui sipped his coffee. "There were a lot of things off about Red. Even Kanda was having issues handling him. Allen wasn't going near Red."

"I'm sure the exorcists will be able to handle him. They just have to figure out where he came from, and then they can send him back," Reever said.

"I know that, it's just," Komui sighed. "the teenagers in charge of a child? That's a disaster waiting to happen."

* * *

Waking Red up had been a total disaster. Allen had stayed out of the fight, since Kanda seemed to have a personal grudge against his child-self. _Of course, Kanda has a grudge against me still, so I guess some things don't change with time._

Eventually, the kid's stomach had rumbled loud enough to be heard over the fighting, and all had ceased. Red's face was pink, he was ashamed to have been heard. Lavi laughed, and handed him an apple. "Eat up, kid. You can't yell and chew at the same time."

Red pulled off pouting and chewing at the same time. As soon as he was done, though, he continued profaning anything and everything he found to be unfair.

Allen sighed. _This is gonna be a long day._

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**Next Chapter:** Red comes down with a fever. A doctor helps him, and volunteers to give the exorcists check-ups. The problem is, the doctor notices some weird similarities between Red and a certain white-haired exorcist...


	2. Chapter 2

**I literally just performed a spell-check and posted this, since my internet will shut down in ten minutes. I thought readers would like it before tomorrow. I apologize for any mistakes, I will fix them within a few days. **

****The Child I'm Not, Chapter Two: "Doctor"****

* * *

"Get into the ark," Allen repeated for what felt like the thousandth time. "Please."

He had opened up an ark gate, but a certain little brat was refusing to get in. Red held firmly onto the bedpost, kicking anyone who got in close range.

"No way! I don't even know what that thing is! It could be, like, a gateway to hell!" Red yelled, eyeing the shimmering gate with uncertainty.

"It's not a gateway to hell. Look, I'll go into it," Lavi said, demonstrating. He disappeared for a few seconds, then reappeared. "See? I'm still alive."

"That's cause you guys are all demons. It wouldn't hurt you to go into that!"

Lavi brushed off the insult like it was nothing, but Allen did feel a twinge of regret. _He's right. I mean, I have a Noah inside of me, I fight with Innocence, I'm cursed-_

"Allen, stop thinking. I know what you're thinking," Lavi said, meeting Allen's eyes. The Bookman had been supportive for Allen, ever since the announcement at the Black Order about Allen's Noah status.

"S-sorry," Allen said. He looked down at his hand, then sucked in a breath. "Oh! I know what to do!" He quickly activated his Crown Clown, but kept it a claw.

Red, seeing the bright flash of light, pulled closer to the bedpost. "W-what is that?! D-don't bring that any closer to me, or I swear I'll-"

Allen shrugged at Red. "I can pull you off with this claw, or you can just step into the ark. Your choice."

"I-I'm n-not moving!" Red said, but he sounded less sure. Allen felt bad for his past self. He could tell that there was true fear in Red's voice.

"My claw won't hurt you, I promise," Allen said. Red's knuckles were white against the wooden bedpost, and they grew whiter as Allen gently wrapped his claw around the boy. Red squirmed, trying to hold on. _Darnit, his grip's strong_, Allen thought.

"Allen- uh, I hate to say this, but the kid isn't moving," Lavi said.

"I noticed," Allen said. Red stuck out his tongue at both of them. Allen yanked hard, once, and suddenly, with a snap, Red was off the bed.

So was the bedpost.

"Oops," Allen said. "Uhh, we can bill that to Komui, right?"

"Cover it with a blanket, maybe no one will notice," Lavi suggested. Red was squirming in Allen's claw, and he slipped out, the bedpost dropping as well. The child ran for the door, but in one smooth moment, Lavi grabbed him and swept him up into his arms.

"You're not going anywhere, little kid," lavi said, smiling. His expression darkened. "Stars, Yu was right. You are light."

Allen looked away. More pity. "Here, Allen, take him. You're the one taking him shopping, right? You sure you can handle him?" Lavi said, handing Red over. Allen deactivated his Innocence and accepted the struggling kid into his arms.

It was a strange feeling to be holding his younger self. He could feel the thinness, the bone and skin, of what Red was. Allen could still remember the years when food wasn't guaranteed, when most likely, he wouldn't eat that day. He was usually fed on a whim, for pity. Allen hated pity.

"Hey, this isn't so bad now, right?" Allen said, looking into Red's eyes. He couldn't help a touch of kindness seeping into his voice. Heaven knows this kid needs it. "You're not going to be hurt. I'm just going to buy you some clothes that fit."

"You sure you can handle him?" Lavi repeated.

"Yeah, Lavi, I got him. We should be back in an hour or two."

"Walker! Wait! You can't just gallivant off to wherever you please!" Link yelled, running into the room.

Allen winced. He had been hoping that they could escape without Link coming. "Hey, Link. You want to come too?" he said casually.

"Don't play stupid with me, Walker. Of course I'm coming."

Allen stepped into the ark, still holding Red. He quickly recited the lyrics in his head, then said aloud, "London." He was picturing a familiar street, one filled with clothes fitters and sellers. Red looked around in wonder at the mediterranean feel of the ark.

"What is this place?" he asked. Allen gently set him down, making sure he wouldn't run off.

"This is Noah's Ark. Since I have a Noah inside of me, I can control it."

"You have a Noah inside of you? That sounds wrong," Red said, giving Allen a weird look. Allen frowned, flicking Red's forehead.

"Don't make everything sexual. You're too young for that. You can't be older than seven, right?"

"I'm not telling you my age," Red said, folding his arms.

A door popped up in front of them, Red jumping and grabbing onto to Allen's coat. Allen hid a smile. He couldn't help feeling affection for the kid. I mean, he's myself. I can hate him and love him at the same time.

"London is on the other side of that door," Allen explained. "Come on. Let's go shopping."

* * *

"I've seen that kid before, I know it," Lavi announced, when he reached the kitchen. Lenalee, Kanda, and Miranda were there. After sending the transmission to her brother, Lenalee had decided that she really couldn't help with Red, and left the room.

"He doesn't like me," Lenalee said.

"I don't think Red likes any of us, Lenalee," Lavi said. "Don't take it to heart."

"I just- really want to help him. He seems hurt, and I want to help him fix it," Lenalee lowered her voice. "He's been through a lot."

"Yu was right, though, he's the skinniest kid I've ever carried. I think Allen can handle him."

"Don't call me Yu, idiot," Kanda said, glaring at Lavi.

"Allen's quite cute with kids," Lenalee agreed.

* * *

"Are you into witchcraft?" Red asked suspiciously. "You aren't doing any blood magic or anything, right? Cause we just went a long ways in a few seconds."

"I already told you, it's the Noah's Ark. Haven't you heard the bible story?" Allen said.

"No."

"Oh. Well, you will when you're older," Allen said. Somehow, he had heard about it by age he was now. "Ah! Here's a good-looking tailor." They entered, Red unsure.

The child hadn't been in any store like the one they were entering before. At least not with good intentions. Red had never owned enough money to buy anything more than food. Allen felt his hand grasp at the hem of Allen's coat, and smiled. It was nice to have someone depend on him, even if they did it grudgingly. Red looked up at him with large, nervous eyes. "They're gonna kick me out," he whispered.

"I won't let them," Allen whispered, gently putting his hand around Red's shoulders. Red didn't exactly enjoy the contact, but didn't pull away.

Link watched Walker quietly chat with the storeowner, about fitting Red with clothes as soon as possible. He had seen the exchange between Walker and Red. Link was not a man to use many adjectives, but he found it cute, the way Walker cared for the child. They were close, as if Walker had known Red for a long time. He didn't seem surprised at any of Red's stubborn and loudmouthed antics.

As if Walker had known Red for a long time.

Link had seen what happened with Miranda Lotto's Innocence, a lot better than anyone else had. He had seen Walker's blood drip down onto the Time Record. Walker and Time.

_Could- it be?_ Link thought, studying both of them. They faced away from him, Red awkwardly raising his arms as the tailor measured his torso. Red has an oven mitt on the same arm Walker has Innocence. Too close to be a coincidence.

Their personalities were so different, though. Walker was kind, soft-spoken, (a bit sassy sometimes, but only when necessary.) Red, on the other hand, was a brat, stubborn, rude, and sassy in every way.

Link filed away his hypothesis. Even if was proven true, he wasn't sure about telling the other exorcists. Did they really need to know? Obviously Walker was damaged as a child, it would change the way they looked at him.

"The clothes will be ready tomorrow afternoon, I believe," the tailor said. "Would it be all right for the sirs to wait that long?"

"I think so," Walker said. "Here's half the pay, the rest will be paid after the clothes are made. Red, you can wear my big shirt and old coat until then. Is that okay?"

The spiky-haired child (could that really be Walker?) nodded slowly. His cheeks were flushed.

They left the shop. Walker looked around the street. "Hey, there's a candy vendor. Have you ever had candy, Red?"

"No," the child said. "Only the stuff- left behind. In garbages, in the carnival."

"That's not candy. You should try some fresh stuff," Allen said, drawing money out of his packet, smiling. "I'll buy you some."

"Without anything in in, right?" Red said. He said it so casually, but just the fact that he was asking made Link wonder if there was a time when there had been something in food. Purposely.

"Without anything suspicious. No blades."

"Okay." Red obediently followed Allen, and Link watched Allen buy a caramel apple for Red. The older boy bent down to Red, taking his small hand, and pressing the treat into it. Red's eyes lit up, and Allen's smile was true, genuine.

Their smiles were identical. Link was now completely sure he knew who Red was. If Allen was trying to keep it a secret, making Red smile certainly wasn't helping. If Allen's fellow exorcists saw them at that moment, they would figure it out.

Allen and Red returned to Link. Red had caramel all over his face, ravenously chewing down the apple. "Red, you should slow down," Allen laughed, ruffling the kid's hair. "Enjoy it. There will be more."

Red slowed, swallowing, and his happy expression faded. "mmnot hungry," the kid sighed, the caramel apple falling and rolling away. His eyes were tired, and he leaned into Allen.

Walker put a hand on Red's forehead, expression turning scared. "You've got a fever. Shoot." He was panicked. "Link, he's got a fever. How do we deal with fevers?!"

"We could-"

"I knew I should have kept him home! Shoot! What do we do?!" Walker's hands were shaking. Link had never seen him so flustered. The poor exorcist was terrible at dealing with sick children. (Link had dealt with sick Tokusas, among other things, and was nearly a veteran.)

"Walker. Calm down. You have the ark. Use it to bring us back to the hotel."

"Allen?" Red said, tugging again on Walker's hem. "I wanna go home..."

Walker swept the boy up in his arms, closing his eyes, and calling up the ark gate. He didn't seem to care that there were passerby, but leapt into the gate, Link on his heels.

* * *

Kanda was not good at asking people for things. When Allen and Link had rushed back to the house, shouting something about a fever, Lenalee had asked him to request a doctor from the innkeeper.

Why was he stuck with that?

Miranda was exhausted, still asleep in bed. That was why. He was the only one not crying over the kid's bed. It was only a fever, for heaven's sake. He wasn't going to die from it. Why did the moyashi have to get so worked up?

"We need a doctor," Kanda growled to the innkeeper's wife. "Now. Otherwise the moyashi will freak."

"Are you sick?" the woman said, pressing a hand to Kanda's forehead. Kanda froze, then shoved away.

"No! Woman, I'm-"

"I'll call a doctor down to check you all up. Young people should checked on, to make sure you're all still healthy. He should be here soon, kay?"

"Woman-" Kanda was shooed out of the room, and told to go lay down.

No, Kanda was not good at asking people for things.

* * *

Allen was trying to figure out if he remembered getting sick as a child.

It wasn't working out for him, because he remembered getting sick quite a lot. He had nearly died from some, just hanging on by a thread of life. He had been beaten to a bloody pulp, been left out in the street to die.

His child self wouldn't die from this, right?

Allen wasn't so sure. Red looked feverish, with flushed cheeks and dim eyes. He had laid the boy down on the bed, then looked around, not knowing what to do.

Allen had never dealt with other sick children before. With himself, whenever he had been hurt, he had just covered it up and gone on.

"Here's a damp cloth," Lenalee said, gently setting the washcloth on Red's head. "It'll help cool you down, okay?"

Red looked panicked. We're not used to being helped when we're sick, Allen thought. It never happens. "Y-you're trying t-to poison me," the red-head croaked. "W-tih that-"

"I'm not," Lenalee said, saddened. "Red, it's just water and a cloth. Why would you think I'm trying to hurt you?"

_(Oh, I know exactly why we would think that.)_

It was one of Allen's worst memories, but he pushed it away. _Not now. It's too painful._

"W-omen are demons," Red whispered. "Not demons like me b-but really b-bad demons."

"The woman is calling for a doctor," Kanda grunted from behind them. "He might make sure we're all not sick, which is not my fault. Only weaklings need check-ups."

"I-I'm not w-weak," Red breathed, and then was asleep. Nobody said a word, Allen looking at the ground. He couldn't meet anybody's eyes. They would see his emotions.

(Pain. Fear. Regret.)

_(But we were weak. We were powerless. Lots of crap happened to us, and we couldn't do anything.)_

That memory was pushing up again, and Allen gritted his teeth. Think about something else. Food. Food is quite nice, I like-

_(Cherry lipstick lips that smiled in that way, the way that told Red nothing good could happen-)_

"No!" Allen cried, grabbing his head. _Please don't remember, not now._

"Allen?! What's wrong?" Lenalee asked, her hand touching his shoulder.

"N-nothing, Lenalee," Allen said, lifting his head and trying to smile. "I just imagined there was no food, and for a moment, it really scared me."

"You're being weird," Lenalee said, eyes taking him in. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me what's wrong?"

_Darn it. She's sharp_, Allen thought. Lenalee always had been smarter than she seemed.

"No."

Red's eyes were squeezed shut in pain, and Allen didn't know if it was pain from his fever, or pain from his mind.

* * *

Kanda was getting sick of waiting for the doctor (no pun intended.) He had been standing against the doorway of the inn, watching the sun get higher, and then start to fall. _Who gets sick in the afternoon, anyway? Stupid kid._

"Did someone here request a doctor?"

Kanda looked at the man standing on the porch. He was the typical image for a doctor, an older man wearing a large coat, carrying a black bag.

"Oh, yes! These youths all need a check-up," the innkeeper's wife said, suddenly appearing, and putting a hand on Kanda's back. Kanda flinched away. _No touch. No one touches me. Who does this stupid woman think she is?_

"There's a kid with a fever," kanda said.

"Ah. Yes. Can you please take me to him?" the doctor said.

In Red's (actually, it was Kanda and Lavi's room, but apparently it was now the brat's) room, Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, and Link all were sitting around him. Allen was the closets. Red appeared to be asleep, but in a painful one.

The doctor stood over Red, frowning as soon as he saw the kid. "Are any of you aware that this child is suffering from malnutrition?"

"He just came into our company recently," Lavi said. "We've been feeding him as much as possible." They all knew Red was most likely starved, wherever he came from, and hearing the doctor say it made it worse. Kanda was unfazed, but somewhere in his heart, he felt anger for whoever was the guardian of the kid. They were scum for letting a child starve.

"I'm going to remove his clothes," the doctor said. "He's quite hot, and I need to take his heart rate."

Allen stepped forward. "I'll help. Red requested that his glove stay on, if you don't mind. I don't think you need to see his hand." The doctor shrugged, and Allen helped his slip off Red's large coat, pants, and socks, leaving the shivering child in his boxers.

Kanda's eyes went wide. There were tiny scars covering Red's body, from his legs up to his chest. They were different shapes, some from whippings, some from knife blades. A particularly dark bruise covered part of the kid's abdomen, and faded bruises dotted his torso.

"Oh stars," Lenalee breathed. "He's- really- hurt." Lavi echoed her words. Allen's facial expression didn't change, he kept a blank face on.

The doctor observed the child for a moment, then pressed his stethoscope against Red's chest. "It's steady. The fever doesn't seem too serious, but it will be if he doesn't drink any water. It's most likely caused by his body needing a rest, to focus on healing itself. As you can see." The doctor gestured to all the scars.

"So he'll be okay?" Lavi asked. "I mean, that's a lot of damage for a little guy like him."

The doctor nodded. "These scars will fade by the time the child is in his teens. No one will ever know he had them."

"That doesn't mean the psychological effect will be gone," Lenalee said, and Kanda could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. Women. They were so emotional.

The doctor picked up Red's non-scarred hand, gently feeling the fingers, then moving up the arm, shifting it around. He frowned, continuing over to Red's chest, pushing slightly across the boy's ribs.

"What is it?" Allen asked.

"This child, Red, you called him? He has many old fractures that never healed properly. You can tell by the way his elbow swings, especially. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that all his fingers have been broken at least one, his elbow fractured, and-" the doctor felt Red's ribs again, "several ribs cracked. What exactly has this child been through?"

Kanda grimaced, looking away. Why were normal humans so fragile?

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Lenalee said.

"Keep giving him water," the doctor said. "Feed him broth if he seems up to it. Now, check-ups for you older folk."

Lavi, Lenalee, and Allen all looked at Kanda with surprise. Kanda rolled his eyes. "Not my fault. I don't need one, thank you," he growled at the doctor. "You might want to check out the pale moyashi, though, he's as weak as a flower."

Allen shot him a look, but it was too late. "Of course!" the doctor said. "You look like you need it, young man. Come with me."

* * *

"Remove your shirt and undershirt please," the doctor told Allen. Allen was going to kill Kanda later._ 'As weak as a flower.' Hardly. He's just jealous._ There was no one else in the room but him and the doctor. He took off the clothes anyway. It couldn't hurt. There was nothing wrong with himself, at least that a doctor could fix.

(Nothing wrong on the outside.)

"You seem to be healthy, apart from a ton of battle scars," the doctor said.

"Goes with the job," Allen said, flinching as the doctor's cold hands probed his fingers, bending and unbending them. "Can't help it."

"Young people these days. No relaxation time, it see- huh. That's weird."

"What's weird?" Allen asked. Please don't let it be some weird infection or deathly disease-

"You have nearly the exact same elbow bend as the sick child, Red. No, not nearly. The exact same one." The doctor felt his fingers again. "You fingers have all been broken." Hands pressed against Allen's ribs. "Ribs cracked many years ago." The doctor stepped back, looking at Allen's face. "Do you care to explain?"

Panic. Pure panic. Oh shoot he's figured it out I'm going down- "No. I mean, it's coincidence."

"You both have spiky hair, although yours appears to be a different color," the doctor said, crossing his arms in thought. "Both have the same eyes-" Allen leapt forward, grabbing the man's collar.

"You will keep this quiet, do you understand?" he breathed. The doctor gulped, but tried to appear in control.

"Young man, I-"

"You will not tell any one of my friends. You will tell them I'm healthy and nothing is wrong, and go downstairs and leave." Allen released the man, and grabbed his shirt, and left.

The doctor stood, not moving, for a few seconds. "But how is that possible?" he said quietly. "They're the same person. I'd bet my medical license on it."

* * *

"No, no, I'm fine, I don't need a check-up," Lavi said quickly, when the doctor returned from Allen's room. Link had stayed with them, and also refrained from a check-up, as did Lenalee. "Thank you, though. You sure about the little one? He's gonna be okay?"

"The child-" the doctor paused, studying the kid. "He'll be just fine. Believe me, he's got at least another ten years, for sure." The doctor's voice was weird.

"That's great," Lenalee said, smiling. They all watched Red for a moment.

He had the covers pulled up to his chin, and was on his side, curled up, the covered hand underneath him. He breathed gently, a gentle expression on his face.

"When he's not angry, he looks familiar," Lavi said. "I've noticed that before. Haven't you, Lenalee?"

"Maybe," the girl said. "Maybe he's from our past."

* * *

The doctor was downstairs (unknown to Allen) drinking tea with the innkeeper and his wife. They were old friends. The doctor was unusually quiet that night.

"What's ailing ye, old chap?" the innkeeper said. "Catch a deadly disease?" He poured some alcohol into the tea. "Here. This'll wake ya up."

The doctor drank heavily. "What's this world coming to?" he said. "So much child abuse."

"You're talkin' about that red-haired kid, right?" the inn-keepers wife said. "He looked awful banged up, poor tyke."

"The white-haired boy, with the scar, he's been abused too," the doctor said. He knew he couldn't say a lot, but the alcohol was dulling his senses. Besides, the white-haired boy would never know he'd told, right?

"Him too?" the woman gasped.

"They had the exact same wounds. Exact same!" the doctor said, banging the teacup down on the table (it cracked slightly). "Same broken-healed elbow, ribs, fingers, and even some small scars that didn't fade! Exact same!"

"My momma's grave," the inn keeper swore. "I'll betcha they're all time travelers n' aliens n' such."

The doctor nodded. "That makes sense, ya know."

"Alright, you two, it's time to go to bed. Doc, will you be all right getting home?" the woman said, quietly stealing the wine bottle away.

"Sure thing," the doctor said. "You watch out for any aliens, alright?"

"I will, doc," the woman said.

* * *

**Next Chapter:** A recovering Red has nightmares that scare even Kanda, the exorcists finally do their job and fight akuma, and right before they leave the inn, the innkeeper's wife has some startling information about Allen.

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed/followed/faved :) Check my profile for story progresses.**

* * *

**The Child I'm Not; Chapter Three: "Past Nightmares"**

It was past midnight, and Kanda felt exhaustion pull at him. He couldn't sleep, though. They had all been taking shifts to watch over the brat, and Kanda's was at that moment. He leaned back in his uncomfortable wooden chair, wishing the shift would be over soon. It was Link's watch in a few minutes.

Red had been sleeping peacefully. Kanda almost pulled out Mugen when the stupid beansprout refused to leave Red's bedside. Allen needed sleep, even if Kanda wouldn't admit that he cared about beansprout's well-being. _That albino gets too emotionally attached_, Kanda thought. _He's a pampered brat._

Kanda's eyes wandered back to the sleeping child. Man, he had definitely seen the kid before. _There has to be an explanation for why I want to kill him so much. _

As if sensing Kanda's beast eyes, the child's brow creased, a soft cry escaping him. Kanda didn't move. _What do I do? What if he wakes up? Darnit, I'm an exorcist, not a nursemaid!_ Red shifted around, his visible hand clenching the bedsheets. The gloved hand pressed close to his heart.

"N-no- not my fault," he whispered.

"Are you talking to me?" Kanda said, but then realized Red was still asleep. He was talking in his dreams._ Although, they sound more like nightmares._

"I-I c-can't let you kill me," Red said. Tears squeezed their way out of his shut eyes, making Kanda panic even more. "I-I h-have a greater p-purpose-"

The words wrapped around Kanda, chaining him to his seat. Many years ago, he had said much of the same thing. '_I have a greater purpose?' A dumb reason for wanting to live. Nothing is for sure. _ His first sentence made Kanda clench his teeth. Kanda understood those words.

"I-don't want to die!" Red yelled. His small hand reached out, and without thinking, Kanda caught it. Red's fingers tightened around his own, and even though they were still the fingers of a child, they were strong.

_How would a child this age already know what fear of dying is? _Kanda thought. He wanted to kill the person who gave Red that fear. He wanted to string them up and slice them with Mugen, until they were little ribbons of hatred-

Red pulled Kanda's hand to his chest, curling his body around it. Kanda was pulled forward, off the chair, so he knelt next to the bed. The red-haired kid held the Asian man's hand like it was a flotation device, in the midst of a raging sea. "Kid, what are you doing?" Kanda said half-heartedly. He couldn't pull his hand out of the grasp of that little child.

(heaven knows the little child needed it)

"You're going to end up like me," Kanda sighed. "All grouchy and hateful." He knew Red couldn't be normal, no matter how many years would pass.

(fear and hurt may fade on the outside, but on the inside, they stayed.)

(they never left.)

* * *

Sleep left Allen with a gasp. He had been dreaming of his past, and how the ringmaster's son had ordered his death. It had been stopped, but no before Allen had fainted twice from blood loss, due to an 'accidental' slash across his femoral artery. It had nearly killed him.

(Of course, a lot of things nearly killed him.)

All the covers had been kicked off, and Allen glanced down at the leg. There was still a small scar there. No one would ever guess that it was from before he became an exorcist, and he would never plan on telling anyone.

_I don't want to die! _

_Stop it. Stop remembering. _Allen leaned against the headboard of his bed, dropping his hands into his lap. _I need to sleep. We're dealing with more akuma tomorrow._

The doorknob turned, and Allen quickly slid back into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin, closing his eyes. In the darkness, he could see the form of Kanda quietly enter the room. The Japanese man went over to Link's bed, shaking him.

"Link, it's your watch," Kanda whispered. Link mumbled something in reply, that Allen couldn't make out.

"Yeah, he's still asleep. There's been a few," Kanda paused, "nightmares. The brat's sleeping soundly now."

_Nightmares_? Allen's eyes were wide open._ Nothing too revealing, I hope._

"I'll be right there," Link said more clearly. It was a good thing Allen was facing the wall, because if either of them had seen his panicked expression, they would know something was up. Kanda left the room, yawning, as Link pulled on shoes and a housecoat (when had he packed that?). Allen slowly breathed out. Link was leaving, less chance of him fining out Allen was still awake.

His footsteps stopped, and Allen tensed up again.

"Nightmares, Walker? A seven-year-old child?" Link said. "What exactly happened to you?"

Allen stopped breathing.

_What?!_

"Never mind. I'm not sure I want to know," Link muttered, and left the room.

_What?!_

_'What exactly happened to you?'_ Allen's mind played the words on repeat. _What exactly happened to me?_

(oh no)

_Link knows who Red is?!_ Allen closed his mouth, he had been gaping like a fish. _Link knows who Red is. How did he figure it out?_

Fear gripped the white-haired boy. _He knows my past. He's going to treat me differently._

(he knows how much it hurt)

(how much I'm hurt)

Sleep didn't come for Allen the rest of the night.

* * *

"Eat up, darlings!" The innkeeper's wife had an entire plate of sausage, much to Red and Lavi's delight. Allen, however, didn't have much of an appetite. He sat away from the table, silent.

Link caught his eyes, an unspoken question in them. Allen didn't respond, but looking away, grabbing a sausage and chomping on it angrily. _That jerk better keep this quiet. I swear, Link, if you say anything- Even Rouvelier won't be able to save you._

Red had recovered. There was no sign of a fever anymore. _Only the long-lasting scars of abuse and starvation._

"Stop scarfing down all the sausage!" Lavi said, yanking away the plate. "Geez, kid. I need more of it than you- well, actually,um-" he realized what he had said. "I guess you should keep eating."_ It's because I'm so skinny,_ Allen thought. "I'm going to make sure we've cleaned up all the rooms. We're leaving soon." Lavi left the room.

"Eat some vegetables too, Red!" Lenalee smiled. "My brother says the dark green ones are the best."

"No. You touched them with your woman-germs," Red said nastily.

Lenalee was, yet again, speechless. Kanda took a tomato from the breakfast sandwich, flicking it at Red. "Look. The ugly women vegetable matches your hair."

"N-no it doesn't!" Red said. He stuffed more sausage and sandwich into his mouth. "M-mpair mphss perfecsh!"

"Your etiquette certainly isn't perfect," Link said. Allen twitched, glaring at the mole-face. "Eating with your hands is a trait of an animal."

Red kept on chomping purposely, but Allen could see his hands curl and lower. A sign of shame. Link hadn't meant to shame the child, only to reprimand him, but Allen knew his past self was hurt easily. _Despite my barbed personality._

"C'mere," the white-haired boy said, wrapping an arm around Red's stomach, pulling him onto his lap. "You need to learn how to use a knife and fork."

"Like heck I do!" Red's thin fingers clenched at his arms, trying to pull them away. Allen resisted.

"A gentleman should know," he said. "Now, take this hand and hold the fork like this." He held Red's human hand, showing him. "You're ambidextrous, which means you can use both hands, but your right hand is steadier. I mean, s-seems steadier," he added upon realizing that everyone was watching. _They'll wonder why I know so much._

"I'm not taking my glove off," Red said, "and I'm not a gentleman. I'm a street rat. My parents weren't royalty or anything. I don't even know who they are."

"You don't know that-" Alllen stopped. He did know who their parents were.

(It wasn't the backstory he had been expecting, but the one he had known-)

_(No. Not now.)_

Allen moved the normal hand around, getting Red used to the feeling. "That's okay. You don't have to. You can still hold a knife with it, right? For cutting things."

(cutting things like they had cut him-)

"Food. For cutting food."

"O-okay," said Red, and Allen was sure Red had been thinking the same thing.

"You're doing great," Lenalee said. "I was used to eating with chopsticks my entire childhood, so I had to learn how to use Western utensils as well."

Red was about to say something rude to her _(and I know exactly why)_ but Allen stuffed a bite of sausage into his mouth. "Don't talk. Eat. I think you've gotten the hang of it."

The blue-eyed child chewed sullenly. "Maybe I should change your nickname to 'Mother Hen,' moyashi," Kanda said. Allen's eyes spat daggers at him.

"Guys," Lavi said, returning to the room. "Komui just got a report. Akuma, about ten minutes away, the ones from London. They moved out of the city and into the coutryside. We need to leave now. The rooms are already packed up."

Allen slid Red off his lap, lifting him with ease into the chair. "Are you gonna go fight the demons?" Red said, identical eyes meeting his. Allen swallowed. _Why couldn't I have been innocent? Why couldn't the world have shown me evil later on?_

"Yes, we are."

(because I'd have to fight them later on, anyway)

(I've seen demons already)

"Can I go with you?" Red was already up and out of his seat, trying to make his shoulders as big as possible, so maybe they'd consider him old enough to go. Allen smiled, and pulled out a ribbon from his pocket, pulling back the ever-spiky hair into a ponytail. Red didn't give thanks, but touched the hair with reverence. Allen could almost hear the unspoken words. _No one's ever done that for me before._

It was Mana's ribbon, and he would have to get it back later. Red would get his own soon enough, once he got back to his own time.

"You're coming with us, since we're leaving the inn. You have to stay with Link, though, when the demons come, okay?"

Red shrugged. "Double-mole? I guess I can stand his company for a lil' bit." Link groaned at the nickname.

"You two even come up with the same nickname for me, no matter the time," Link muttered. Only Allen and Red heard it. Red didn't understand, and ignored it.

"That's because it fits you, Double-mole," Allen muttered back.

"Come and help carry our bags out, Red," Lenalee said. "You look strong, so I'll need your help, kay?" They could have taken the Ark straight to London, but the report had come from somewhere in between, so they were covering that route with a carriage, since Allen hadn't been to that area.

Red's chest stuck out a little at the compliment. "L-like I'd help you!" he said.

"I guess since you're too young to help, I'll have to throw you over my shoulder again," Kanda said with a dark grin. Red took off after Lenalee, leaving Allen to shake a fist at Kanda.

* * *

Lenalee smiled as she watched Red struggle under the weight of a bag. The boy and Allen were walking to the carriage, and she stood inside, near a window. Allen picked the bag from Red's arms with ease, adding it to his own pile. _Allen's one of the kindest boys I've ever met. I'm glad to have him as a friend,_ she thought. It was interesting to see how he acted towards children, especially Red.

"That's all of it," she said, bowing to the inn keeper and his wife. "Thank you for your hospitality. Send the bill to the Black Order, please."

"Oh, we were glad to have you stay," the innkeeper said. "If you're ever passing through again, feel welcome here."

"You all stay healthy, you hear me?" the wife said, pulling Lenalee into an awkward hug.

"We will," Lenalee said. _As healthy as possible in our jobs._

"Especially the white-haired one. The doc said he was pretty banged up."

"You talking about Allen?" Lavi came into the front entryway, Kanda behind him. "What did the doctor say? I thought he was healthy."

The large woman pressed a hand to her cheek in worry. "Oh, well, you all probably know already. He's fine now."

_He's fine 'now?'_ Lenalee thought. _Maybe the doctor saw Allen's scars from fighting akuma._ "No, it's fine, tell us what you were going to say."

"The doc said that the white-haired one was pretty banged up as a kid. He's got a whole lotta bad breaks n' stuff."

"Allen is a living anti-akuma weapon, he's been fighting since he was young," Lavi said, brushing the words off. "We all have old broken bones."

"Unless he's been killin' these akuma of yours since he was a baby, he didn't get those scars and breaks from fighting," the woman said.

_Allen said his Innocence activated around ten years old_, Lenalee thought. _Then what is she talking about?_

"That's not all," the wife said, her tone taking on more of a gossip-y change. "The doc said that his scars and breaks were the exact same as-"

"Hey guys! The carriage is all packed up, so someone needs to go get Miranda," Allen said, opening up the door. They all jumped, looking guilty. "What is it?"

"N-nothing!" Lenalee said. "I'll go wake Miranda up. Is she really still sleeping?"

They all hurried away, pretending like the conversation had never happened. Yet, the revelation about Allen wouldn't stop spinning in Lenalee's mind. _I wonder what happened to Allen..._

* * *

Link (or, Double-mole, as those brats kept calling him) had to help Miranda into the second carriage. There were seven of them, and they wouldn't all fit into one. Miranda was barely coherent, and kept mumbling, "I'm sorry. I'm just so tired."

"There's definitely something wrong with her," Lavi observed. "She's been sleeping for almost a day."

"There's nothing we can do," Allen said. "I think it's probably Innocence-related. It'll be tough without her powers, but we should just let her be."_ I don't need her waking up and telling everyone who she thinks Red is._

Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda all got the back carriage, while Link, Allen, Red, and Miranda got the front one. Miranda lay across Link's lap, and he looked quite uncomfortable. Allen winked at him. "Oh, don't look so nervous, Double-mole. I'm sure you have many ladies at home vying for your attention."

"Walker, I swear, I'll go over and throw you out of this carriage if you continue." All four of them jerked when the carriage started rolling, bumping around. The ride seemed like it would be a long one. Allen had never been to the area where the akuma were sighted, and so they couldn't take the ark there. Within twenty silent minutes, Red was leaning against the hard side of the carriage, asleep.

Allen gently pulled the child's head onto his shoulder. It was just him and Link now. The white-haired boy closed his eyes, trying to get his mind to rest.

(ah, yes, that memory was coming back.)

(not the child of gentlefolk, after all.)

"I found out who my parents are," Allen said aloud. It was a sudden and unexpected piece of news, at least to Link. The man across from his shifted in his seat, not knowing what to say.

"I suppose- is that a good thing?"

"They were what I expected."

(not what I hoped for.)

It was after a few months that he'd been with Cross, after recovering from Mana's death. He had woken up one day wanting to know who exactly birthed him, and had ventured into London, where his earliest memories were. He had looked around, lost in the throng of factory workers and shops.

It was a stupid idea to come here_, he thought. _I don't even know my real name, if I ever had one_. People had been calling him 'Red' since he could remember._

_It was a stupid moment of fate, then, when he turned around, and saw a building. A hotel._

_Red's Hotel of Love._

_Red's._

_(Red's family?)_

_A stupid love hotel, of all things. A place for whores and beggars and filthy men. Yet, Allen knew it._ I've been to this place before_. His feet wouldn't stop walking towards it._

_He opened the dirty doors with a gloved hand, stepping in. It was dim, and smelled of cigarette smoke. There was a haze around the ceiling. A woman at the front desk stood up. "Uh, kid, no children allowed. Come back when you're old- What happened to your face?"_

_Allen numbly touched the bandage that covered half of it. He had forgotten about it._

_"Sarah, you must come check out the new wages the manager is assigning to us," another woman said, coming in. "Why is there a child in here? Is he your child?"_

_"No, Jane," the woman named Sarah said. "Look at that white hair! Mine's black."_

_Jane came closer to Allen, and he swore his feet were frozen to the dirty floor. 'Jane' was aging, and had wrinkles around her mouth and eyes, but was still pretty. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. Blue-gray eyes._

_(RedAllen's eyes)_

_"Child, you must leave. No jobs here for you," she said, with a slight French accent. Her dress was very low, and tight, as would be expected._

_"D-did you ev-" Allen began, but he couldn't get the words out._

_"What is it, child?" Jane said._

_"Have a k-kid?" he finished. Both of the women stopped moving._

_"Oh, heavens, Jane, he's one of yours? I thought you only had Henry. Who's the father? You've been working here for fifteen years, it's possible."_

_"He is not mine!" Jane said loudly. "Henry is eight, and I have never had another child." Allen knew she was lying, though. Her eyes looked him up and down fearfully, looking for her own resemblance._

_"You had a kid that died," Sarah said. "Like, twelve years ago?"_

_Allen didn't hear the rest of their words, because his feet finally worked, and they carried him far, far, far..._

"My mother was a French whore. I have no idea who my father is, and I don't really care," Allen said.

"You're half-French, then," Link said. "I mean, you and Red."

Later on that stupid day, when Allen had lost all pride in himself, Cross had noticed something was wrong with him. The alcoholic had left him alone, though. He could tell there was more to Allen's despair than simple teenage hormones.

"I'm off the streets too, Walker," Link said. His eyes were genuine, not just sympathy but empathetic. He knew Allen's feelings. "There's no shame in it. We aren't what our parents are."

"I should hope not," Allen muttered bitterly.

"Your friends still love you, Allen." Link's statement made something in Allen's heart twinge, because it was what he had needed to hear. "They don't car about any of that. I swear it to you."

"S-shut up," Allen said. "Just shut up." Y_ou're making me hope for something that isn't true, because how could they not judge how hateful I am, how many secrets I keep from them- How could they not detest me?_

_(I am detestable)_

The conversation was over. Link didn't press the issue, and Allen was left wondering why he even told Link in the first place.

* * *

Kanda didn't want to try and figure out why he was feeling so crappy. Why, when the innkeeper's wife had whispered secrets about the beansprout that should have been kept secret, he felt angry. _I don't care about what happened to him. I've been through worse, and came out all right. A little rough, I suppose._

That was the problem, though. Kanda's horrific childhood had been endurable, because it had turned him coarse and unfeeling, and Kanda was fine with it. Losing his best friend before he even reached puberty had turned his heart to stone. Yet, the beansprout was so darn happy._ People call him kind, genuine, and all of that good crap. He can't act like that and have gone through bad stuff when he was younger. No one gets hurt that young and not have scars._

Then why was Allen Walker always smiling?

"I wonder how many of his scars are from before becoming an exorcist," Lavi said. He sat next to Kanda, across from Lenalee in the carriage.

"Can't tell. There's so many on him and all of us, like it really matters," Kanda said.

"Things happen to people like us as children, but we get through them, no matter how bad," Lenalee said.

"Kids get thrown around, especially on the streets. Allen was probably hurt a few times. He's okay now, though," Lavi sighed. "We all know him. He's always positive. He can't be that happy and have gone through something really bad."

"Him and Red are complete opposites," Lenalee said, smiling. "It's funny to see Allen take care of him."

"Red is what happens when a kid goes through crap," Kanda said. "That kid's been abused." _Can't even sleep in a bed, doesn't trust women, with scars everywhere. Red's hurt somewhere deep._

"If he's the complete opposite of Allen, then I'm sure Allen didn't go through much," Lavi said.

It was supposed to be comforting, but none of three felt relieved. They all knew there was something wrong going on around them, but didn't know exactly what.

A yell from outside the carriage had Kanda half out of it before anyone knew what was happening. It was the moyashi's voice. "AKUMA!" he yelled from his carriage. It had stopped, with Link following Allen out of it. Kanda saw the dark forms above them, landing quickly. He unsheathed Mugen.

_Three level two, one level three, numerous level ones. Easy food._

* * *

Allen could've taken out the level two with his eyes closed. He did it with his eyes open, however. For safety reasons. They were both down in sprays of oil-blood before Lavi even got his hammer growing. Kanda took out a few of the level ones. Lavi and Lenalee were starting on the level three.

After facing a level four, level threes seemed a lot easier, but they still were tricky, because they had special specific powers. None of the exorcists would know what it was, until-

"I can smellll your attacks before they even come close," the level three crooned. "I smell your Innocence." That explained why, even though it had been cut across its eyes, it still had perfect accuracy when avoiding their attacks.

Allen was hit by one of its hands, right in the stomach. He flew several feet, landing hard. _I need to take this one out first._ Kanda was already in midair, flying towards it. Lenalee was taking care of the level ones, effortlessly zigzagging between them, silencing their guns with one move. Allen forced himself onto his feet, seeing that Kanda had been hit. Which meant no one was currently fighting the level three.

It was sniffing the air, and with horror Allen noticed two things.

One, Red had gotten out of the carriage, with a sleepy Miranda next to him.

Two, the level three was slowly turning towards Red.

"I smellll more Innocence! I hate Innocence!" it screeched, flinging itself towards Red.

_Towards us._

Lavi saw, Lenalee cried out, Kanda couldn't stop a gasp from escaping, and-

"NO!" Allen screamed, because he wouldn't be able to get there in time, _and if he dies then I die too and please I'm just a child-_

Miranda stepped in front of Red, facing the oncoming attack. Her face was lucid, even though her steps were unsteady. She knew what she was doing. The akuma sliced through her shoulder, cutting deep. She fell, just as Allen reached the akuma. He cut it down with fury in his eyes. _Don't touch him, don't touch me._

Miranda fell, crying out, one hand pressed to her shoulder. There was a lot of blood. "The akuma are all taken care of," Kanda said in a low voice, coming closer. "We need-"

"I know," Allen interrupted, nothing but cold anger in his face. "Calling up an Ark gate now. We'll take her back to the Order."

Kanda drew back from him, unsettled. The moyashi never acted that cold unless-, well, never. He would think about it later. "Bookman, help me carry her."

Allen caught sight of Red. The boy was standing, frozen, where Miranda had fallen. He turned towards Allen, face white. There was a spatter of blood across his face. Miranda's blood.

"I'm sorry, Red. You shouldn't have had to see that," Lenalee said, using her sleeve to gently wipe the blood from the boy's face. He didn't protest.

(Nobody's ever cleaned me of blood before)

(I forget that perhaps there was a shard of Innocence still left in me, back then)

Link was explaining to the petrified carriage drivers that they didn't require anymore services, and then followed after the exorcists as they stepped into the Ark gate, Allen last.

Only the corpses of akuma were left behind. The mission was complete.

* * *

They presented quite a scene, literally falling into the Black Order. Around the exorcists, there was a hustle of activity to get the woman to the infirmary, is anyone else hurt, are the akuma dead, and other things. Komui arrived quickly.

"What happened?!" he said, after making sure his dear sister was fine.

"The level three was harder than we expected," Lavi said. "It went for Miranda's Innocence, almost hitting Red." The Bookman gestured back to the child, who seemed unsure of where to stand. Allen stepped closer to him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Red?" Komui said. "You still haven't found out where he is from?"

"No," Allen said, and shot Link a look._ Don't say anything._ "We haven't. Besides that, there's something wrong with Miranda. She's half-comatose."

"We could barely get her out of her room and into a carriage," Lenalee added. "She's not sick, more of just- really tired." Allen closed the Ark gate behind them, watching Miranda rolling away on a gurney, being pushed by Black Order workers. _I hope she'll be alright._ He owed her his life now, not that she would know.

Komui bent down in front of Red, examining him. "Hello," he said. "My name is Komui. I'm Lenalee's older brother." He stuck out his hand, expecting Red to take it.

"So you're that !#$%^'s relative," Red said. "Like I'd touch you." Everyone gasped at the child's offensive words.

Komui's expression flicked from angry to shocked, but he didn't say anything else. Lenalee looked upset, but she had dealt with worse.

_My past self is acting out to deal with the shock,_ Allen thought. _Sorry, Lenalee_, he silently apologized. _Red is taking out his past fears on you._

Komui was thinking something else. _There's something wrong with that child,_ he thought. _Something has definitely happened to him._

_I just need to figure out what._

* * *

**Next Chapter:** The exorcists take a rest back home, although, it would be more relaxing if Allen could keep Komui away from Red. He has to go destroy a level three in London, and runs into someone from the past. Meanwhile, the truth about why Red hates women finally comes out, and it just might be Allen's worst memory.

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note:** This account is not letting me publish any new stories, so **after** **finishing** this story, this account will probably be abandoned. I'll be posting all my future stories under the name** allthegoldII. **(I've already posted a new DGM story there!)

**Thanks to cloud on cloud for the reveal idea- I had my own idea, but theirs was much easier and more plausible. **

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"She's stable, but she won't wake up," Komui informed the anxious exorcists, "and it's not because of her injury."

There were confused expressions all around the room in Komui's office. Red, Lavi, and Allen sat on a couch, Kanda stood pacing, and Lenalee sat in Komui's chair. Reever came to stand behind Komui, holding some papers. "We took some lab tests, and something has been draining her Innocence, and, indirectly, her own energy."

Allen knew instantly what was draining Miranda's power. He looked at the small head of the boy next to him. "Keeping him here is draining her," he said without thinking.

"What's draining her?" Komui asked Allen. "You know what the source is?" Allen cursed himself for speaking.

"Yes," he said slowly. "It was her power that brought Red here, and keeping him with us keeps taking more of her power."

"You know where he came from?" Lavi said, meeting Allen's eyes from the other side of Red where he sat.

"If you knew, moyashi, why didn't you tell us?!" Kanda's hand strayed dangerously close to Mugen, and Allen frowned back.  
"I don't know, BaKanda, I'm just reasoning! Don't get so angry!" the white-haired exorcist said back. He could feel Link's gaze on him, and he was painfully aware of the fact that Link knew he was lying.

"It's because of me?" a small voice said. Red's irritation from before had faded after being held by Allen, and his wide blue eyes showed the fear he was trying to hide. "That the lady won't wake up?"

Komui didn't know how to respond. Red, despite his scathing words to Lenalee, was just a child and seemed fragile. Allen broke the silence. "Yes, but it isn't your fault because you didn't do it on purpose."_ It's my fault, actually._

"Are you going to send me back?"

(back to utter loneliness and pain)

"Not right now," Allen said. But he would have to. _Eventually_.

* * *

It was lunchtime at the Black Order. In the middle of the huge dining cavern, the four exorcists plus Red and Link sat around, quietly eating. There was little conversation at their table, but all around them people chatted away. Allen could see people sneaking glances at the table's new member, and he sighed inwardly. There was no stopping it. Curiosity would have to run its course.

"Red's eating faster than you, Allen," Lavi said, smiling. "That's a feat."

"Slow down," Link said. He was sitting next to Red, Allen on the other side. Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda were across from them. Red shot him a look, mouth full. "If you eat that fast, you won't get to try dango."

"Dango?" Red asked. "What's that?"

"It's Allen's favorite food," Lenalee said, smiling at Allen.

_I don't remember the first time I tried dango_, Allen though. Link stood up. "I'll go grab you guys some," he said. Allen followed him to the counter where they ordered food.

"It's your favorite food," Link said while they were waiting. "I'm sure Red will love it too, since he is _you_."

"Keep your voice down, double-mole," Allen said. "You know I don't want that broadcast." Link looked at him strangely, but didn't say anything else. Chef Jerry bustled out of the kitchen doors, coming up to the counter holding several sticks of the treat.

Red looked up at them eagerly when they returned. "Is that dango?" he asked excitedly.

"Yup," Allen said, handing him a stick. "You have to enjoy it slowly, okay?" The older teenagers watched Red slowly take a bite as he carefully savored the flavor of the paste it had been dipped in. Allen chuckled as Red grinned.

"It's so good!" the child said. "Do you eat this everyday?"

"Not everyday, otherwise he'd be a lot fatter," Lavi said.

After a few minutes, all of the Japanese treat was gone. Allen was just about to put his plate on the dishwashing rack when he noticed Komui coming towards him with an unhappy expression. "Akuma?" Allen asked.

"In the middle of London. You were headed there before Miranda got hurt."

"I'll take the ark and go exorcise it," Allen said. He didn't want to endanger anyone else, and some time alone to think would be nice. He looked back at the table, meeting Link's eyes from across the room. _'Take care of him,'_ Allen mouthed to Link.

"Take someone with you-" Komui started, but Allen had already called up the ark gate. The gasps of other people in the lunchroom echoing in his ears, he stepped into the ark, shooting one last glance at Red. The boy was looking in awe at the gate, blue eyes wide as he watched Allen slowly vanish. One small hand reached out, but then the ark took Allen away.

* * *

Lavi watched Komui talk to Allen across the lunch cavern. Allen nodded and the Bookman saw the golden glittering pieces of an ark gate appear above him. Red turned, gasping when he saw the huge transparent gateway. "Is that what we went in?" the boy said. "It looks different now!"

Lavi didn't hear Lenalee's answer, he was too focused on Allen's face. The white-haired teenager's smile had fallen, and he was looking straight at Red with the saddest expression Lavi had ever seen him wear. Then the white-haired exorcist was gone.

"Looks like you're going to have to entertain the boy without Walker's help," Link said, smirking at Kanda.

"I don't need his help for anything," Kanda shot back. Red gave Kanda a suspicious look.

"Allen is cooler than you," the boy said. Lavi and Lenalee both snorted, but looked innocent when Kanda glared at them. "He doesn't have girl hair."

"You-" Kanda started, but Lavi threw an arm around his grumpy friend's neck, wrestling him. Lavi smiled at his fellow red-head.

"Don't worry about him, he's just jealous cause he wants to be your favorite," he said, slapping his hand over Kanda's mouth when the Japanese man tried to protest. "Ow, Yuu! We said no biting!" Red giggled, watching them. After seeing his smile, (an oddly familiar smile, Kanda thought) the occupants of the table relaxed.

"How come you don't like girl hair?" Lenalee asked, remembering Red's attitude towards women. Instantly, Red went pale and drew in on himself, shoulders hunching. Lavi released Kanda, worried.

"Cause women are bad," Red muttered.

"Lenalee is your friend, Red. She's not bad. How come you think she's bad?" Lavi said, reaching across the table to hold Red's non-gloved hand. All around them, lunchtime was ending and people were leaving. Soon, it was just them with a few stragglers in the corners, too far away to hear anything.

"T-they tried to adopt me," he whispered.

Lavi met Link's eyes, both of them sharing the same thought- _Adoption? Isn't that a good thing?_ "Why did they try to adopt you, Red?" Lenalee asked. Red's hand unconsciously squeezed Lavi's, his knuckles turning white.

"Because they accidentally killed the kid before me," he said.

There was utter silence at the table as Red tried his best to explain in his childish vocabulary.

"Mother and Mommy and Mom really like kids but they kept killing them so then they decided if I couldn't move then I wouldn't die too. They stole me from the circus and kept me in the dark and I just had to lay there for _days." _Red choked, obviously fighting back tears. "How could women do that? Just leave a kid in the basement? With all the other dead kids?"

Lenalee grabbed Red, pulling him into a tight hug as the tears came. He froze, unsure, but she reassured him. "Red, I am so, so sorry. I promise nothing like that will ever happen again, and those three women were insane." She felt tears running down her own face as little arms hesitantly hugged her back. _How could something this horrible happen to a little kid?_

Red sobbed into her shoulder, wetting her uniform, but Lenalee didn't mind. Finally, the child was accepting her and opening up. "I-I'm s-sorry," he sobbed. "Y-you're r-r-really niiiice and I'm s-sorry…." Lavi hugged them too, rubbing Red's head. Kanda gave an awkward pat and Link- Link looked sick and horrified. His eyes weren't on the sobbing group next to him, but unfocused.

"Walker," he whispered, unheard by the other exorcists. "I'm so sorry."

All of the sudden, Red cried out. Lenalee and Lavi released him in surprise as the boy bent over clutching his stomach. "Red?! What's wrong?!" Lenalee asked.

"It feels like something shot me," he said.

* * *

He really should have seen the akuma bullets coming. It _was_ a level three _akuma_. He had gone on the offensive, leaving his stomach completely open and when the pain registered in his brain Allen had gasped, bending over. The akuma rose above him, its metal blade raiisng to behead him. He caught the blow with his sword and brought it back down again, cutting the demon in half.

He fell to his knees, not caring that there was gravel in his hands or that blood ran from a cut on his forehead. _Thought I could handle a level three on my own,_ he thought, trying not to yell in pain. Little black stars began to appear at the point where the bullet hit, going up his chest until they reached his neck. They multiplied, completely covering him. Everywhere there was a star, Allen could feel a cold burning sensation. His Innocence could fight it off, but it still wasn't easy, and the bullets from a level three were especially potent._ Being in a bed might help. _He called up the gate, legs barely lifting as he stepped into it.

Since he wasn't very accurate with his command, the gate dropped him into the middle of the hallway outside of the dining hall, from six feet up. He hit the ground with a pained groan, hearing the screams of people walking near him. "Director!" somebody called for Komui.

Allen managed to open one eye, looking down at where blood was spreading out from his stomach. The stars had stopped upon reaching his neck, but his Innocence-fueled immune system was having trouble eradicating the virus since his stomach wound took all his energy.

"Allen?!" Komui's frantic footsteps echoed down the hallway. He knelt beside Allen, but Allen stopped him.

"D-don't touch," Allen hissed. "V-virus still cont-gious." Komui saw the black starts covering Allen's human arm and neck and nodded.

"Can I get a gurney?!" he yelled down the hallway at the Order members who were standing cautiously around. Several ran off. Allen tried to regulate his breathing, but getting shot in the stomach really hurt. _I am never doing solo again_, he thought.

"Komui? Red just collapsed," Lavi's voice said, and then the Bookman saw Allen laying in the hallway. "Allen?! What happened?"

"Got shot," Allen managed to get out, his tone sounding sarcastic despite the amount of pain he was in. Lavi's previously sentence registered in his brain, and Allen tried to sit up. "R-Red?"

The doors of the dining hall swung open as Link came out, carrying Red, who looked in pain. Link gently handed Red over to Lavi and then bent down, effortlessly picking Allen up. "W-what-" Allen started, but broke off as his stomach throbbed again.

"I'm immune to the virus, Walker," Link said in a no-nonsense tone. "You need to get to the hospital wing quickly."

"Y-you didn't have to c-carry me bridal style," Allen muttered, but he was in too much pain to care.

"With a stomach wound, I didn't think you'd enjoy being thrown over my shoulder," Link said. When there was no reply, the crow looked down at the white-haired exorcist. "He fainted," Link noted.

* * *

Allen woke up to find teary blue eyes looking back at him, an exact mirror of his own. "He's awake!" Red yelled to the other occupants.

"I thought you collapsed," Allen said to Red, slowly sitting up and trying not to tear the stitches that kept his guts together.

Red shrugged. "I ate too fast and got a bad tummy ache. Can I see your stitches?" he said excitedly. Allen rolled his eyes.

"No, you can-" Link grabbed Allen and pulled him into a tight hug. "W-waa?" Allen said, voice muffled by Link's uniform.

"I'm sorry, Walker," Link said, pulling back and holding Allen's shoulders. His brown eyes seemed to know something. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything…" Allen said, trailing off. "Wait. Is this for carrying me like a girl?"

The constantly-annoyed look was back on the crow's face, and he released Allen's shoulders. "I think you'll be fine."

"I really want to see your stitches, though," Red said, disappointed. Allen sighed and pulled up his shirt, showing Red the fifteen neat stitches running from the middle of his stomach up to his ribs. "Cool!" the boy said. "Do they hurt?"

"No," Allen said. "But they will if you don't leave and give me some rest."

Lenalee smiled at Allen. "We're glad you're okay," she said, picking Red up. "Red was really worried."

"Was not," Red said, embarrassed. Allen was surprised. _My past self is letting a woman hold him? What happened in the hour I was gone?_

Seeing Allen's curious look, Link could figure out what he was wondering about. "Red told us why he doesn't like women, and now Lenalee and him are friends."

Allen's eyes went wide. "He- told you?"

"Yes," Link said. He kept a steady gaze on his face. "He did." Was that what Link was apologizing for? Allen's cheeks burned red. _He knows even more about my past now. They all do._

"We'll let you get some rest," Lavi said, reaching out to tousle the exorcist's hair. "Come on, kid. Let's go find something fun to do." Allen watched his friends leave, then groaned. That was a secret he would have liked to stay secret.

At least they didn't know Red was Allen yet.

* * *

"I want more dango," Red said, tugging on Lenalee's hand. "Could we get some more?"

"You just ate!" she said, laughing. "You can't eat as much as Allen, Red. He has parasite Innocence, which means he can eat a ton without getting fat."

"I have a better idea," Lavi said. "How about we go see Chef Jerry? He could show you how to make it! You could make some for Allen to help him get better."

"Cooking? That's for girls," Red said.

"Shh! Don't let Kanda hear you, Red. He loves to make soba for himself," Lavi whispered conspiratorially, making sure Kanda heard him. He was rewarded with a first in his back.

"I seem to recall a certain usagi-like creature begging me to show him how to make white-day chocolate," Kanda said, rolling his eyes.

"Yuu! That was a secret!"

* * *

"This is rice flour, or _mochiko,_" Chef Jerry explained. "I mix this with the tofu- Red, do you need some help carrying that?"

The child was carrying a huge bag of said rice flour and looked determined to reach his destination- the counter that was a head taller than him. "No, I got it." Lavi met Lenalee's eyes and smiled. The boy was trying to look strong in front of her, a sweet action that he hadn't done before. Red grinned at them when he reached the counter, and Lavi's brow furrowed. There was that smile again. He had seen that smile before. Where?

"See? I got-" Red's foot connected with the stool corner and he went flying. He caught himself, but the flour fell on top of him, exploding everywhere. "Oops."

Lenalee and Lavi burst into laughter, and even Kanda chuckled. Red stood up, his cheeks flushing as he wiped flour from his eyes. His entire body was coated in white, even his hair looked stark white. "Aw, shoot, it got into my glove-" Without thinking, the boy pulled off the large mitten that had covered his hand for the past two days. The other exorcists' gasped when they saw the red, scaly arm, and the green-white iridescent cross embedded in Red's hand.

As Red looked up at them, blue eyes, white hair, and red arm, Lavi realized where he'd seen Red's smile before.

"Oh my gosh," Lenalee said.

"You're-" Kanda started, but went silent.

"Allen," Lavi finished, whispering the name.

* * *

**Final Chapter**: The secret's out, and Allen has to deal with the consequences of his devastating secret. How could his friends still care for him knowing his past?

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

_Red is Allen._

_This means… Allen was Red? Red is Allen as a child?_ Lavi's brain repeated these words over and over again. _Allen. Red. Child._ He repeatedly looked up and down Red, trying to find proof that would discredit his thoughts, that would show this poor child was not his own dear friend from the past, but he found nothing. Everything was explained.

Allen had mentioned that he had reddish-brown hair as a kid, but Lavi hadn't know there would be that much emphasis on the 'red' part. Both of them had the same spiky bangs and slight cowlick, the same paler-toned skin, and the exact same smile and blue eyes. The same Innocence weapon. _That's why that akuma attacked Red. It smelled the Innocence on him._

Lavi closed his eyes, letting out an angry noise. "Allen," he said again, this time with anger. "I am going to kill that stupid exorcist." The bookman took in a deep breath, opening his eyes and observing the other companions. Lenalee was still in shock, and Kanda looked.. sickened.

Red's wide blue eyes took in all the other exorcists' expressions, and bit his lip. He glanced down at the scarred red arm he had forgotten to hide. "S-sorry," he said in a quiet voice. "I-I forgot what Allen t-told me to do."

_What Allen told him to do?_ Lavi watched Lenalee recover from her shock at the young boy's words. She bent down at eye level with Red, her warm purple eyes meeting his. "Did Allen tell you to hide your arm from us?"

Red dropped his chin to his chest, eyes downcast. "Y-yeah. He said you'd be mad." The boy lifted his head, cautiously meeting Lenalee's eyes again. "A-are you mad?"

"Mad at that idiot," Kanda growled, hand straying down to where Mugen was sheathed, "thinking he had the right to hide something like this-"

"Kanda," Lenalee warned, frowning at him. "No, Red, we're not mad at you. Allen had… a good reason, I suppose, to ask you not to show us your arm." She looked incredibly sad, and wrapped Red up in a tight hug. "You only did what you were told, and you're not in trouble."

Red slowly returned her hug. "Okay," he said, his voice muffled. He pulled back from Lenalee, looking curiously at Kanda. "How come he didn't want me to tell you, though? I thought you were friends."

Lavi turned away from Allen's past self. The anger he initially felt was fading, but still there, just mixed in with sadness. "I- I thought so too." He left the kitchen, banging the door on his way out.

* * *

Komui looked up from his desk, seeing Lavi run past the open door out in the large hallway. "Lavi?" he said, but the Booman was already gone. Komui could hear his fast footsteps fading away.

"I wonder what's going on," Reever said curiously.

"Hmm," said Komui. "Just focus on those books. Hopefully they'll tell us more on what's going on with Miranda and Red."

"I think I may have found something," Johnny said, pushing his glasses up. "It's a blood ritual with a Innocence that has to do with time." Komui stood up and went over to where Johnny sat, reading over his shoulder.

"I think this is it."

* * *

Allen was napping lightly, his consciousness fading in and out. The hospital bed was soft and comfortable, and the warm light coming in from the quickly setting sun kissed his eyelids softly. _Maybe I'll be able to make it to dinner_, he thought dreamily. _Left at lunch, back for suppertime._

_Except Red is there_, his brain supplied to him. _More lies. You've already lied about so much._ Allen's face twisted into a grimace, but relaxed again.

_It's okay. The secret's still.. safe. You're still the same… happy… Allen Walker. There's time.. to sleep…._

The room's door swung open wildly for the second time that day. Before Allen had a chance to open his eyes, fists were clutching his collar and he was yanked up into a sitting position. Lavi's green eye met his, and Allen was shocked to see the hurt and anger in his friend's expression. "Y-y-you IDIOT!" Lavi yelled at him, nose inches away from Allen's own. "You idiotic, stupid, thick-headed- IDIOT!" He shook Allen, his fist coming up, but he dropped his hand, deciding against punching Allen in the face. Releasing Allen's collar, Lavi sat back on the bed, voice hoarse. "You… idiot."

"L-Lavi?" Allen said quietly, eyes wide with shock. "What's going on?" The Bookman looked straight at Allen, and the white-haired exorcist examined the dark, hurt, angry expression his best friend was wearing. Something akin to fear settled in his stomach.

Lenalee and Kanda entered the room a few seconds after Lavi, the former with a worried expression, the latter looking angrier than Lavi. Allen straightened from where had been slouching after Lavi had grabbed him. "Guys?" he said, worried. There was no response. Lavi had calmed down, and looked down at his hands, expression still dark. "What's wrong? Where's Red?"

"He's.. getting cleaned up by Jerry. He accidentally spilt some flour on himself," Lenalee responded. Her normally cheerful eyes seemed to be picking apart Allen's very soul as she stared at him.

"Ah," Allen responded. _What's going on?_ he thought. Something seemed very, very wrong. "Lavi, why am I.. an idiot?"

The bookman raised his head. "You know why."

(because I lie.)

Allen was struck silent, the horror and gravity of what was going on coursing through him. _They know. They all know. They know._

"Allen," Lenalee said, stepping over to where he sat, frozen, in the hospital bed. "W-why?" she asked simply.

(because I hate my past)

(because I hate who i was)

But then, was that true? He loved Red desperately. He wanted Red to be happy, happier than he had been, and he certainly didn't hate Red.

(because I hate myself.)

Lenalee's eyes widened, and Allen realized he had said that last sentence out loud.

"I-I mean, I hate myself for lying. I'm sorry," Allen said quickly. The memories were fighting their way to the surface again, the beatings, the knives, the dead bodies in the basement- He dropped his gaze to his hands, clenching and unclenching them. Them knowing meant that everything Red had described going through they knew he had gone through as well.

"You idiot," Lavi said again. "How could you not tell us?" The anger had faded from his voice, and his warm hand on Allen's shoulder reminded Allen of the present. I'm alive and I'm safe and I'm sixteen years old. I'm not the child locked in the basement anymore.

"H-how'd you find out?" Allen said in a quiet voice.

"The kid took off his glove when flour got in it," Kanda said in a monotone voice, but Allen could detect subtle tones of both fury and sadness. "It looked remarkably similar to this stupid moyashi's arm."

"Oh," Allen said. He didn't know how to answer Lavi's previous question. Upon seeing Red on that field, there had seemed to be no other option than to lie. Either lie to his dearest friends, or…

(or they would look at me differently.)

And they were looking at him differently. Kanda had never looked at him with those eyes of pain and sympathy, and he hated it. He hated Kanda knowing that Allen had been through horrors too. Lenalee's sadness he hated too. He would rather have had the anger Lavi had shown before than the emotion the Bookman was showing now. _Don't look at me like that,_ Allen wanted to scream. _Just treat me like the happy person I'm supposed to be!_

"I-" Lenalee began, then stopped. "You know, Allen, that I was suicidal when I was younger." Allen bowed his head slightly. "And you know Kanda's past with Alma and the Innocence experimentations. When you saved Lavi from Road's influence, you saw his despair and sadness too." _What's the point here?_ Allen thought.

Lenalee sighed. "What I'm trying to say… is that all our terrible pasts were out in the open and we all assumed that we knew each other perfectly. You're the happiest one out of all of us, I think all three of us- no, the entire Black Order, thought that you never shared your past because it was happier than ours."

Allen's hand tightened around the blanket._ It wasn't._

"I-I'm sorry for that, Allen. I'm really really sorry," the girl finished.

"Why are you saying sorry?" Allen said, forcing his mouth to give her a smile "I'm the one who lied. And that stuff… it's not that big of a deal."

(n-not that big o-of a deal)

Lenalee drew back and Lavi looked surprised at Allen's tone. "Allen.." Lavi began.

Allen brought his knees up to his chest, ignoring the twinge his stitched stomach gave. Lenalee paused, then sat down in a chair across from the bed, Lavi still sat on it, and Kanda refused to move from window.

"So, um, don't worry about anything. We'll hopefully find a way to send Red back to the past, and then everything will be fine," Allen said, smiling his perfect lie of a smile at his friends.

(we'll send him back to that awful time)

(and you will all hopefully forget this ever happened)

SLAP! Lenalee's hand hit his cheek as she stood over him, tears filling her eyes Eyes wide, Allen cradled his smarting cheek. "You really are an idiot, just like they said!"

"E-eh?" Allen said, his thoughts stopping in his surprise. Lenalee grabbed his shoulders, shaking him just as Lavi had done.

"Stop smiling! You think you're so smart, trying to hide all that pain behind your bright smile, but Allen, you need to stop it sometimes! We're you're friends, not an audience you need to perform for!" Tears fell from her eyes, and she slowly released Allen, but kept her fiery gaze on him.

"B-but I'm fine, Lenalee," Allen said. _Can't stop smiling. Can't stop acting. Everything has to be fine._

(you can't remember anymore you have to push down those memories)

"Then why are you crying, moyashi?" Kanda said quietly, his gaze dark._ Ehh?_ Allen gingerly touched his cheeks, feeling wet.

Allen looked back up from his wet fingertips to his friends, eyes wide. "I-I'm fine, though. N-nothing's w-wrong."

"We're your friends, you stupid Walker. No matter what you've been through, no matter what you say or do or feel, we won't leave," Lavi said.

Allen gulped. N-no you can't stop pretending, he thought, and tried to keep pushing down the pain, but his friends' gazes were just too genuine and everything was just too hard and-

(tears)

(just won't)

(stop).

* * *

Kanda watched the white-haired exorcist sitting on the hospital bed. "We're your friends, you stupid Walker. No matter what you've been through, no matter what you say or do or feel, we won't leave," Lavi said. There was silence for a few seconds.

Then, Allen started to cry for real.

Kanda had seen him shed tears a few times in the past, for souls that couldn't be saved or people who had died. But he had never, ever seen Allen cry like he did now. Tears poured down the moyashi's face, blurring the red scar on his cheek, and soaking into his shirt. He gasped for breath, choking on words in his throat that couldn't quiet make it out. "I-I-it h-hurts," he sobbed. "I-I d-don't want t-to remember..."

"Shhh," Lavi said, pulling the sobbing boy into a tight hug which Lenalee joined. "It's all right now, Allen." The moyashi kept crying, trying to get words out at the same time sobs ripped from his throat.

"I-I'm r-really s-s-sorry, b-but I d-didn't want y-you to know th-that h-he was me. A-all th-that b-bad stuff t-that happened." Kanda's gaze darkened. That 'bad stuff' that Red had described… he was still trying to comprehend that it had happened to the moyashi too. Allen had been through just as much crap as the rest of us. A desire to protect the youngest member of the four friends burned within Kanda. _No way that kid is going through anymore._

"You're going to be all right," Lenalee said, meeting Kanda's eyes as Allen cried into her sleeve. There was something akin to a peaceful smile on her face, and Kanda could see why. Allen was finally opening up emotions to them he hadn't ever shown before. _He really looks exactly like Red when he cries_, Kanda thought. _Just like a little kid._

A little kid who had been alone for a long time, but who wasn't anymore.

* * *

After a good hour, Allen had fallen asleep crying into Lenalee and Lavi, and they gently laid him back into his bed, all three exorcists smiling fondly at their sleeping friend. His face had relaxed, his eyelashes and cheeks still wet from crying. Small steps at the doorway drew their attention. Red stood there, wearing a clean pair of pants and shirt.

"Is Allen asleep?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," Lenalee said. The boy crept over to the bed, examining Allen.

"He looks sad."

Lavi nodded. "He was sad. He's feeling better now, though."

The boy's hand gently wiped away a tear on Allen's wet cheek. "Oh. That's good, then."

The other three people watched Red closely, with new eyes. This was Allen. The incredibly small, loud, rude, but caring boy was.. Allen. It felt strange.

But when he turned his bright blue eyes on them, giving them a hesitant smile, they could all see their best friend in him. Even if he was small and swore way too much.

_Yes. Red really was Allen._

Even if certain exorcists would never admit it out loud, they all loved the two versions of Allen very dearly.

* * *

**Next super final chapter: Epilogue**: All is nearly at peace, but Allen must send his past self home, where Red rightfully belongs. Saying goodbye is always the most bittersweet of things to do, especially when he knows what Red must return to.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


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